Disclaimer:
This is my personal reflection on Diogo Jota’s passing, shared as a fan processing loss from afar. I hold deep respect and sympathy for his family, friends, and teammates who knew him personally. My faith shapes how I cope, but I fully honor that everyone grieves and finds comfort in their own way.
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I get that I’m a little weird.
I can see it in your eyes, how you look at me, torn between pitying me and trying to understand me.
I’ve tried to clothe myself in tough skin, like the bark of the blackwood tree, only for it to peel and reveal my ugly tenderness. I’m sappy. I flow like honey, slow, golden. And like how you can never cut honey with scissors, I’m in love with attachments. So these days, I’ve just surrendered to whatever God designed in me, even if it means making people uncomfortable with my tears. That’s very, very core of me.
My heart has been heavy since last Thursday, and of course, it’s because of Diogo Jota’s passing.
I’ve been a Liverpool fan for almost 3 years now, you can read a letter I wrote about it here, letter to liverpool fc
I’ve always dreamed of seeing my favorite footballers live someday.
Diogo was definitely one of those.
I never met him. Only ever saw him through a screen. But I broke down in tears when I heard the news.
I know, I’m a little weird.
I just love what I love, obsess too much, and feel too much.
I confided in a friend about how I felt, and she thought I was being a little silly.
I understand where she’s coming from. What does someone you’ve never met, someone a thousand miles away, have to do with you?
Nothing.
And everything?
Of course, I’m not pretending to be any closer to him than I am.
And I know what I feel is nothing compared to what his family, friends, and teammates must be feeling. But even so, this tragic news landed deep in me.
It’s led me to ask God about death, and dying, and what comes after.
About resurrection. About Jesus coming back.
What follows are just my own reflections, things I’ve asked God, and what I feel He’s been answering me through scripture.
If these themes make you uncomfortable, you can stop reading right here. I absolutely understand.
But if you’re open to a glimpse of the thoughts and prayers I’ve carried this past week, you’re welcome to stay.
Question:
Dear God, is death just a deep sleep until you come again?
I really hope it isn’t.
Our energy would feel so wasted.
I really hope there’s grace to continue with life in a different form, in a different realm, and not just sleep until You return.
What I believe God answered:
1. Matthew 17:1–3 — The Transfiguration of Jesus
Jesus takes Peter, James, and John up a high mountain, and while they are there, his appearance changes dramatically. His face shines like the sun, and his clothes become white as light. Moses and Elijah appear, talking with Jesus.
I was in a chapel when I asked God this question.
And when I kept quiet, just thinking, feeling, waiting, the story of Jesus’ transfiguration passed through my mind.
Now, I’ve read this part many times before.
But it’s only now that I really noticed the fact that Moses and Elijah appeared.
Forget Elijah for a moment (we will wrap our heads around being taken into heaven in a whirlwind some other day) think about Moses, Moses died a natural death on earth.
And yet… he was there. Talking with Jesus.
It felt like God whispering to me: “See? There is life beyond death. Moses died, but he’s here. With Me.”
Lord, please, don’t let it be just sleep.
There’s got to be more.
2. Luke 23:43
Jesus said to him, “Truly I tell you, today you will be with Me in Paradise.”
Paradise.
That doesn’t sound like sleep to me.
3. Matthew 22:32
“I am the God of Abraham, and the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob.”
He is not the God of the dead, but of the living.
I read somewhere that God is so full of life, He cannot be God over something dead.
Whatever He claims as His must live, somewhere.
Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, they all died on earth.
But if God still calls Himself their God… then they must still be alive, somewhere.
Maybe death is just a transition.
A movement into a different kind of life.
Somewhere in the book of Romans it says Jesus is Lord of both the living and the dead. Wherever He rules, there must be life.
Question:
Dear God, is it true, all You say?
What I believe He answered:
Revelation 21:4–5
“He will wipe away every tear from their eyes.
There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain,
for the old order of things has passed away.”Then He who sits on the throne said,
“Behold, I am making all things new.”
And He said, “Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.”
Whether what God says is true or not, or if He even exists, will never be mine to answer for anyone else. All I know is that I believe in Him.
And in a world this beautiful and this tragic, I think we all need something to believe in.
There’s so much I still don’t understand, and maybe never will on this side of life.
There’s too much mystery in being human.
So that’s how I’ve been coping as a fan. To feel the pain, but also grieve with hope.
That maybe Jota really is on a pitch in heaven, wearing number 20.
Or maybe he’s playing FIFA with Jesus.
And he’s winning.
A note for him...
To Diogo Jota, wherever you are,
I’m happy to have celebrated you.
Your goals always got me off my seat, that calm, that composure, that accuracy… unmatched.
The fiery hope you gave us whenever you stepped in, even in the 90+ minutes, was unbelievable. You saved the matchday more times than I can count.
I believe I’ll get to see you, for the first time, and forever, in the new earth and the new heavens.
With love,
A fan you never met on this side of life.
