A letter to Liverpool FC

You'll never walk alone, on and on.

The LFC gate, photo by Lequipe

Dear Liverpool FC,

You came into my life at such a bleak moment, and then you said, You’ll never walk alone. That’s when I knew, you’d be my team for life.

I started following the games as a form of escape, a coping mechanism, a survival strategy of some kind. I knew it had taken residence inside of me, the grief that I had been numbing and denying for months. From attending college where I felt like I didn’t belong, applying for transfer to another college only to be rejected by 7 of them. Three acceptance letters that arrived in the mail brought such a consolation, but even a greater heartbreak from the cost of their fees, incredibly high that I almost sounded delusional saying it to my family. I spent nights bargaining for an increase in financial aid, trying to convince people so far away that I would be worth their investment, thirty thousand more dollars, measuring my worth in figures as a result. With blind faith I got into debt, with unwavering confidence that dad would help me pay it back, only for dementia to kick in and wreck all finances, laughing at our plans and promises.

God gives grace in a lot of different ways, but in the April of 2023, God gave me football, God gave me Liverpool FC and a new song to sing, You’ll never walk alone. The 90 plus minutes became a way to see how sometimes, grief and joy can coexist, perfectly intertwine in the fibers of one’s pulsating heart. What I experienced watching football went against what I had believed about joy and grief. I would catch myself letting out a shout from my lungs and gut after a late minute score, and midway through the shout, an inner monologue would ask me “A grieving person can’t shout like that, or can they?” Football made me consider if maybe, there was more inside of me than the grief I felt. The same body that felt tired dragging itself to college, was the very same that jumped off the couch, hysterically celebrating another deflected goal. The same eye that cried, the very same that was wide open in disbelief after the ball hit the post and not the back of the net. You helped me burst another rush of endorphins in my bloodstream, and made me feel like I was part of a community even though we were miles and miles apart. I wasn’t walking alone.

One year with you now and those words continue to be an anchor. Staring at the screen of my dad’s TV or the cracked screen of my phone, I can almost promise you there is always water in my eyes whenever the anthem starts. It breaks open a part of me that has braved the loneliness for far too long. It feels like arriving somewhere so late and finding someone has saved me a seat, so I don’t have to stand there all alone and embarrassed like I did on the eve of my high school graduation. I love it how through a loss or win, we sing the same song, You’ll never walk alone.

All the way from Tanzania, this is the story of a girl finding Liverpool. Oh what a dream, what a life, what a time to be a fan, of such a team as this!

Love,

-Elfrida

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This is me in my Dad's living room watching the game on TV, singing along You’ll never walk alone with the Liverpool crowd in Anfield, off-key and the happiest, wishing I was there, one day I will!