David
Propaganda I'm falling for.
The leaves are falling. A green snake was caught in our neighbor’s electric fence. I find periods beautiful, and healthy, and painful and so inconvenient. Some nights I have to make sure everyone is asleep before I let my nose start sniffing and my eyes turn my pillow a little less dry. I am practicing scales on my guitar and I am jealous of Jacob Collier. Artificial intelligence scares me cause I’m losing sense of reality. My sister says I like closing doors and turning lights off, she’s speaking literally, but I’m always thinking in metaphors and I’m scared to think if that’s true, metaphorically. Literally as she speaks, in my case, the world has an unfair share of resources. To make myself feel a little less guilty for having access to some services which some others don’t, turning off lights not in use make me feel better. Closing doors? I don’t know what drives that impulse.
I have had the desire to move to another country since 2019. Nothing is wrong with mine, in fact it’s lovely and has plenty of sunny days. But there’s just this clawing hand on my heart calling me somewhere new. For many days I asked God to tell me if it wasn’t his will for me to move because it’s been too many failed plans already. But last night I opened Mark 1, and read verse 41 when Jesus said “I am willing.” Coincidence? God? I don’t care. I just decided to believe it was God. I am a very healthy girl or at least I like to think I am. Apart from intense sadnesses and happinesses that make me feel like fainting sometimes, I function very fruitfully! I feel both extremes of emotions very deeply. I love all my sets of dualities. I think God had fun creating me.
Me and my friends think the actor who plays David in the series House of David is so cute, but then he just sets the expectations even higher for what we are looking for in someone we want. Like he’s a Shepherd who turns into a King, so he’s so humble and so powerful at the same time. And then his hands are strong enough to draw a sword and kill a giant with a stone, but tender enough to carry an injured lamb and write poetry in the Psalms. The words of his mouth are piercing enough to create peace or war between kingdoms, and soft enough to sing Lead me to the Water while he plays the harp. These types of men in the Bible and in the media are dangerous for girls like us to see and read about, since it makes us believe these men do exist in society. Which makes us not to settle, but seek till we find. Oh Lord, how far can a girl like me want, and get?
Psalm 23
A psalm of David
The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want.
He lets me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside the still and quiet waters
He refreshes my soul, he leads me in the paths of righteousness for His name’s sake
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I fear no evil, for you are with me.
Your rod and your staff they comfort me
You prepare a table in the presence of my enemies
You have anointed and refreshed my head with oil,
My cup overflows
Surely goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life
And I shall dwell in the house of the Lord forever.